Many people who see candles on the shelves of an adult store assume they must be for aromatherapy, which has become so popular nowadays. However, they would only be right some of the time. While candles are very popular in aromatherapy and massage, there is an altogether different type of candle that is available for couples with a knack for the naughty – bondage candles.
Bondage candles are created specifically to induce a little bit of pain in the middle of all the pleasure of a sexual encounter, which is the essence of BDSM play. This creates an entirely new dimension of sexual experiences that can invigorate any relationship.
However, BDSM candles are not simply a device with which you inject small doses of pleasurable pain. They are designed to be pliable in their melted and semi-solid form so that they can be spread over the flesh. This covers the skin in a very smooth, soft layer of wax that feels very erotic to the touch.
Are BDSM Candles for You?
Sometimes, the cost of BDSM candles may dissuade people from buying them and they instead opt for normal candles to ‘light up’ their sex life. However, that may not be the best idea.
The wax of which normal candles are made melts at a relatively high temperature, something we all know from having melted wax accidentally drip on us. BDSM candles are made of a special wax that burns at about the same speed but at a much lower temperature.
This allows couples to indulge in sadomasochism hot wax play that is much less painful. It also practically eliminates the possibility of scalding and burn marks that normal hot wax is likely to cause. Because of this, BDSM candles are a great introduction to heat play in a BDSM relationship.
Of course, couples are free to try normal wax if they know that their threshold of pain exceeds what these specialised candles can deliver.
Before You Begin
As with any new sexual activity, it is good to be familiar with the ins and outs of candle play before you throw yourself and your partner headlong into the experience.
Firstly, always discuss any new sexual activity with your partner instead of surprising them in the middle of the act. An uncomfortable or unpleasant sexual experience can have devastating consequences on a relationship. Talk about BDSM and what elements of it turn both of you on. Particularly in the first few sessions, stay well within your agreed limits and test the boundaries later in your shared experiences.
Secondly, even the most experienced BDSM aficionados use a safety system. Two of the most common are a ‘safe word’ and the colour system.
The safe word is used by the submissive partner to tell the dominant partner that the experience is too much and that they want to stop. The colour system usually follows the traffic light sequence – green means everything is well, yellow or orange is used to indicate that they are near the limit of what they can endure and red means stop.
Thirdly, be aware that everyone has different thresholds of pain resistance and also of heat resistance. What may be just pleasurable to you may be almost excruciating to your partner, and vice versa.
Before you begin the session, use the candles on yourselves to get a feel for what it feels like when hot. A good idea is to start with the back of your hands. However, make sure to test it on other parts of the body, too, as some are more sensitive than others. Agree on where you want to have the hot wax drip and where you do not.
The Perfect Wax Experience
BDSM candles are not just different from regular candles in how hot they burn but also in how versatile they are. Many manufacturers have come up with edible versions, or ones that are infused with scents, and still others where the melted wax may be used as paint!
Here are some tips and tricks to make sure you both get the most out of the experience:
- All BDSM candles are meant exclusively for external use. Keep the hot wax away from all openings and orifices. Take particular care to avoid the eyes – it can cause permanent, irreversible injury!
- Wax also does not play well with hair and fabric. Shave all the areas where you intend to drip the melted wax and keep it away from portions of the body with hair like the head and pubic region (unless shaved). Make sure to place plastic sheets or similar covers over your bed – wax is notoriously hard to remove in the wash.
- Melted wax is hottest at the point that is in contact with the fire. Raising the candle further away from the flesh allows the wax to cool down just a tiny fraction more before it lands. Try to hold it high when you start and work your way closer if your partner tells you that they can take more pain.
- As more wax drips on a particular area of skin, that area is exposed to more heat and feels more pain. Keep that in mind as your play progresses and try to spread the wax over a wide area instead of small regions (unless she asks!)
- Some couples use the melted wax as paint and the body as a canvas. You can indulge in this artistic variation either with your hands and fingers or with a brush.
- We have kept the most important tip for last – ALWAYS PRACTICE FIRE SAFETY!
Make sure there are no curtains or sheets that can fall or be blown onto your lit candles. Have a fire extinguisher and/or fire blanket handy, just in case.
BDSM candles are a novel tool for introducing a dose of consensual pain into your sexual relationship. If chains and whips seem too extreme, these candles are the ideal way to ease yourselves into a more exciting phase while maintaining intimacy and mutual respect.