Keeping your relationship fresh and exciting is not always easy, particularly if you have been together a long time. Couples often find themselves stuck in a rut and at a loss as to how to infuse everyday life with the passion they shared in the past.
However, that really should never be the case. Just a small dose of imagination can inject a great deal of thrill and adventure into your relationship, no matter how long you have been together or how well you (think you) know each other.
There is no need to resort to the more outlandish and risqué sex tips that some publications might suggest either – sex in public, BDSM and sex toys are unnecessary. You just need to try massage.
There is virtually nothing as erotic as touch, if done right. And massage is all about the touch.
Of course, this does not mean that you have to sign up for a physical therapist’s course or spend a fortune on massage tables, candles and oil. No, the fantastic thing about massage is that you need no training at all (some knowledge – like this article – is still helpful, though!), you can use regular furniture, and basic massage oils do the job just as well.
There are many types of specialised massage but the most common, and arguably the most basic, is known as Swedish massage. If you have ever given or received an impromptu massage from someone, it was probably loosely based on Swedish massage techniques. It is the easiest to learn and that’s why we will use it as the basis of this article.
Another aspect of massage is that you can have immense fun as you learn, practising on each other. There are no real wrong moves (you’re not a professional rehabilitating an elite athlete) and whatever feels the best and most pleasurable is the perfect way forward for you both.
Creating the Environment
Massage is not just massage – it is a very fluid experience that begins with the lightest touches of foreplay and goes on to encompass the ecstatic throes of extreme pleasure. To get the most out of your shared massage experience, you have to create the right environment.
Some of the most soothing elements for a massage are:
- a warm room;
- soft lighting and/or scented candles;
- relaxing music;
- turn off your phones!
Laying the Groundwork
You can choose to begin the adventure with a shared bath. The warmth increases the flow of blood to the surface of the skin, which makes it more sensitive to touch. This is the perfect introduction and set-up for what is to come.
Try to limit prolonged physical contact at this stage. This is still very much the arena of foreplay and light brushes and ‘accidental’ touches are much more effective in stoking the fires. The warm water and the serene atmosphere you have created will lull her muscles into a state of relaxed ease and make them much more responsive to the massage.
The massage area had to be prepped in advance, too. Apart from a pleasant temperature, soft light and pleasant music, you will need:
- A firm surface for the massage – a bed is usually sufficient, carpeted floor is better.
- Massage oil(s) – pick one with a scent she likes. Lavender and jasmine are popular.
- Towels – Spread these on the bed to prevent the oil from ruining your sheets and mattress.
- Pillows – this will help her be comfortable. One to support her head and another to place under her body place in the best position for access.
Doing the Deed
Massages most often begin with the recipient lying face-down. Drizzle a small amount of oil on her body – you can always add more later. Make sure to rub your hands together to warm them before starting.
Use long, sweeping strokes to just caress her skin from neck to back to buttocks to legs, all the way down to her feet. This preps her senses for the firmer touch that will follow.
Next, use a firmer touch to ease the tension out of the centres of stress like the point where the neck meets the shoulders and the sides of the shoulders. Use the tips of your fingers to push into the flesh and muscle to loosen the knots. Knead the flesh between your fingers and thumb and use the base of your palm to apply more pressure if needed.
The back should be one of the main areas where you focus your massage. The wide, flat surface and the large muscles here make allow even a first-time masseuse to deliver some very pleasurable touch with ease.
Use circular motions to cover the back and then use the kneading action you used earlier on the shoulders to target specific areas with knots of tension. Swedish massage includes the use of knuckles and even elbows to get to those particularly tight knots but there is no need to exert too much pressure in your first few tries.
It is better to leave the buttocks for the moment and move on to the legs. The thighs, too, have large muscles which respond well to massage, and kneading of the calves is quite pleasurable for the recipient.
The feet are an erogenous zone in practically everyone, partly because they bear so much weight all day but seldom receive adequate care and a gentle touch. Use your thumbs to massage the sole, especially along the arch of the foot. Place your forefinger below each toe with and press the nail with the flat of your thumb.
Now that you have started with the erotic zones, move back up to the buttocks. The glutes are the largest muscles on the human body and benefit from firm massage. Letting the sides of your hands and fingers brush between her legs is a wonderfully electrifying tactic. Refrain from more direct stimulation for the moment.
Move back to the ears and neck but now with a distinctly more deliberate focus on the sensitive back of her neck and on her ears. Whisper to her something you know will excite her. Use her reactions and her responses like sighs and deep exhalations or catches of breath to identify what works best.
A Final Word
Massage works so well as a relationship tool because it involves touch that ranges from the completely platonic to the suggestive to the overtly sexual. This allows you to navigate the geography of your relationship as you explore the geography of her body.
Try it, you won’t be sorry.