How do U get a happy ending from a masseuse?

Ahhh, the Happy Ending. This term which has entered pop culture has also become the bane of many a legit masseuse. It is the sweetener that many men – and even some women – seek to coax from them when they visit any massage establishment.

Whereas asian massage parlors seem to have cornered the market in the confirmed Happy Ending niche, there are several categories of establishments where the lines are not so clear-cut. If you are visiting an establishment of the former type, you would get a happy ending from your masseuse without even trying or even saying a word – just lay there, and you will get your wish.

If, on the other hand, you are seeking to try your luck in a place that seems in more ‘grey area’ territory, it would be wise to proceed with extreme caution. The penalties for solicitation vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, but they all earn you a load of embarrassment of equal measure.

How do U get a happy ending from a masseuse - photo

Step by Step

Seasoned propositioners give a number of tips that will allow you to tread the grey area so you can maintain your innocence should the masseuse take offense and save you both some awkward moments:

  1. When asked to remove your clothes, do not ask what to leave on. Simply remove everything (you still have to place the towel over your butt, though) so there are no restrictions in the first place.
  2. Pay attention to the way the masseuse handles the towel. Legit masseuses will leave it covering you as much as possible; a happy ending masseuse will expose your flesh to get her intentions across.
  3. Pay attention to her touches – if she is careless about touching or even brushing private parts as she massages you, she is dropping the most obvious hints about where this might lead.
  4. Say ‘yes’ if she asks you if you want a happy ending. After dropping hints throughout the course of the massage, your masseuse might just come right out with the question if you haven’t been squirming and blushing up till that point.
  5. In these ‘grey area’ establishments, she may or may not be operating with permission from management. Make sure to keep things discreet (don’t joke with other patrons or the receptionist!) after the deed is done, or she might lose her job – no more happy endings for you.

A Word of Caution

Patrons have noted that it is the ‘thrill of the chase’ that prompts them to avoid asian massage parlors and try their luck at more legit places. Some people suggest that leaving an envelope with a bit of money peeking out is a subtle hint to the masseuse about what you are seeking. Some legit masseuses might simply roll their eyes and ignore any gestures you might make, or they might complain to management and the police.

The bottom line is: if you want a sure thing, go to a dedicated Happy Ending massage parlor.

And never, ever, ever, lay your hands on a lady who has not explicitly given you permission to.

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